NOTE: Don’t read this if your’e eating or about to eat or squeamish. Just a friendly PSA :)
So I have a totally irrational fear of throw up. Mine and anyone else’s. My husband can attest that he never witnessed me throwing up the entire decade we were together, and when I was pregnant with my first I fell into hysterics because I felt like I was about the yak. Spoiler alert: I didn’t. (The mind is stronger than the body, my friends.) So you can imagine that one of my greatest fears prior to even thinking of having kids was one day having to deal with that inevitable kid vomit. I guess I’ve been fortunate that in Little Miss’ short three years, I’ve never had to deal with it and off I lived in ignorant bliss.
This past weekend I had the brilliant idea to take Little Miss on a special Mommy-Daughter date to a nearby bakery where I was going to order a baby shower cake. After waiting for the crotchety old man who seemed to be running the show, we were finally seated in front of his ornate desk. Little Miss – with excitement shining in her eyes from all the cakes surrounding her – opens her mouth to say something… and a stream of vomit promptly flies out Exorcist-style. I guess it’s true what they say about your mom instincts kicking in, because despite my extreme hatred of this particular bodily fluid, I quickly flew to her side to comfort her when another stream came spewing out. Towards my face. I totally know what projectile vomit is now. Guys, it TOUCHED MY FACE. Seriously. Is there anything more disgusting?
The even more amazing part? I didn’t do a thing but continue to sit there and rub her back while she emptied the contents of her stomach (undigested grapes and all) in five short heaves all over her shoes, my shoes and the grumpy old man’s carpet. Yea, he was NOT happy. Basically threw me a roll of paper towels and a plastic bag and walked off in a huff. Not a single question of whether she was all right. But that’s ok, I get it, it’s gross.
Obviously, I didn’t order the cake there. Nor am I ever showing my face in there again.
Life is all about timing my friends. How this happens the one hour she was out of the house all day is beyond me, but maybe the Universe is trying to teach me a lesson in facing my fears. And you know what? It wasn’t so bad.